“In a perfect perfect world you could fuck people without ever giving them a piece of your heart. Every glittering kiss and every touch of flesh is another shard of your heart you’ll never see again.” –Neil Gaiman, Bitter Grounds.
The Poetics of Desire...
Of course like all real life love stories the issue isn’t love or lack thereof. It’s about how one behaves in the confines of a relationship that really makes or breaks the couple. Time lays heavy on those with heavier hearts. Slog through each day and search for the light at the end of tunnel that I am told exists. I want to believe that it exists. Don’t fight, don’t scream expletives at the top of my lungs, choke back tears that steam in October air because in the end they are wasted. Don’t say it—I love you—I love you. I said don’t say it. Empty words like empty air explode like firecrackers on Halloween night. The unresponse like rain but colder.
I’m not built like a computer on command. I can’t press exit, there is no delete button, no return to previous screen. If only I could re-wire my hard drive. Become more like him. Then I would still feel it. Then he would still feel it. It’s all about you—it’s all about you. Next time can we make it about me? Press command button relax. It’s there. Search harder. Search deeper. It will all be okay in the morning. But what if it isn’t?
Dear Future Lover
Dear future lover:
Please forgive me
for the mistakes I will make
while trying to get you
to love me.
Bonsai - (Haiku series)
A bonsai, Chloe.
I gave her to my boyfriend.
A housewarming gift.
His house was too cold
for Chloe to survive in
so she lives at mine.
Bonsai should bring luck.
The longer she lived with me
the less that he called.
He left me last month.
My life changed, hers stayed the same.
What luck Chloe has.
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